How many times have you said yes just to avoid the discomfort of saying no?
I get it. You don’t want to disappoint or upset the other person. You want to be seen as open and supportive. But here’s the thing, when you choose to say yes when you really mean no, you create an internal conflict. You end up always being available, even for the things that don’t serve you.
How often do you ask yourself what you’re available for?
What are you not available for?
Sit with these questions and make a note of your answers – they will help inform your boundaries.
Every single time we choose to sacrifice our own needs in order to please or meet the needs of others, we let ourselves down. We don’t honour or respect our own boundaries. We de-prioritise what we actually need. We lose a little trust in ourselves. And, we often end up feeling frustrated. We blame the other person for how we feel. But guess what? We created the situation by not choosing to honour our own needs. We’ve become too afraid to prioritise ourselves.
How does it feel to prioritise your own wants and needs? Be honest. Is it easy or do you struggle to do this?
Learn to get comfortable with discomfort. Learn to recognise when you’re feeling it and what stories come up for you. What are you telling yourself about the situation e.g. if I say no, the person will think badly of me? Wrong. I call BS. This is a story and not necessarily a fact.
You cannot live your life worrying about what other people might think of you when you choose to honour your own needs. Be the teacher for those around you. Be the real model, not the role model.
Here is a question I often ask my clients when they’re struggling with setting boundaries and honouring their own needs:
If I say yes to (insert example), what am I saying no to? You can also flip this question.
Let me know how you get on.